I have to apologize, dear reader, for my lack of output lately. It was all just bad timing. First, I decided to update every other week. I’m still trying to find a good balance in frequency of updating – not as much as a twitter feed and a bit more often than Haley’s Comet.
Secondly, I got sick. And if you think I was actually sick enough to warrant your sympathy, step back. I’m in full realization that I’m a man, and I completely shut down when I get a mere common cold. My recovery for even the smallest throat tickle always involves unplugging everything in the house that uses electricity, then lying alone in bed in my favorite hoodie, whimpering into the silence until my disease passes. When I get the strength to move, I walk to the sink and drink three gallons of tap water, than wait until I have to pee.
Thirdly, I was ushered off by my work place to attend a training seminar. I wasn’t allowed to use my phone (and my covert phone time was taken up by trying to beat my fiance’s high score in Minion Rush – priorities).
Leaving me here. At least a few weeks from my last post. Well here I am, dear reader – I’m back from the dead and ready to tell you that I am… surviving.
I shouldn’t be so melodramatic. By that, I mean the honeymoon phase of living on my own is starting to wear off. It’s getting harder and harder to become enthralled by the little things (like owning my own set of keys, or having a tiny mailbox with my name on it) when bills start to roll in and things start breaking. I am convinced that not a single closet in my apartment closes right – which makes me wonder whether or not I have been opening doors wrong my whole life.
Speaking of flaky blogging, Ben Parks updated his piece this week with a rundown of his daily routine. I shouldn’t be so hard on him. Necessarily, when he has the time to update, you know it must be somehow important. Inspired by a peer, I have decided to do the same.
- 6:30 AM – Sit up and stare out my window. I also take the time to clear my throat about a hundred times
- 6:40 – Walk to the bathroom and sit there naked holding my arm out into the shower. I’ve always felt this scene would make a really good risque watercolor painting
- 6:50 – 7:15 – Actually showering now. I’m not really sure why this takes so long. I think I might be falling asleep or something. Someone needs to tell me what I’m doing wrong.
- 7:20 – Rinse out a bowl in the sink and fill it with raisin bran. Because it only takes me a minute or two to eat a bowl of cereal, I just continue to stand there and set it back in the sink when I’m done.
- 7:25 – Watch the Daily Show. I have to do this in the morning because my Internet is 10X faster at this time.
- 7:40 – Leave for work. Sadly, my car doesn’t begin to heat itself until I am fifteen minutes into the twenty minute drive.
- 8:00 – 4:00 – Working. But I take breaks and stuff. It’s funny when you feel the need to take a break but you don’t have anything to do. Besides eating lunch, I usually walk around the building or do other people’s dishes in the break room.
- 4:05 – Power off the laptop, then drive to Target. I buy a pack of trimmed asparagus and a red pepper, and maybe a bag of sunflower seeds if I am running low. I like to take a while to pick out the pepper. I squeeze it, hold it up to the light, and bounce it off the ground a few times as if I were really looking for something that would disqualify it.
- 4:30 – Ideally, I like to go skateboarding while my single chicken breast thaws in cold water.
- 5:15 – Cook dinner. The chicken isn’t too exciting, but I have really taken to making big, smoky stir fries in my enormous pan. A fly on the wall will hear me shout at least a few times ‘BAM! Kick it up a notch‘ as I flavor the chicken with the only spice I own (and the only spice you really need)- cyan pepper.
- 6:00 – Eat dinner. I sit on a lawn chair and watch Pawn Stars on my 17 inch TV. Also, don’t tell my landlord that I am somehow getting the History Channel.
- 7:00 – 11:30 – I call this my time for chores, but let’s be honest, it just turns into a lengthy Grand Theft Auto session. A man’s got to decompress.
For your amusement, here are some shots of my pad:
<blockquote class="imgur-embed-pub" lang="en" data-id="a/ZjV5c"><a href="//imgur.com/a/ZjV5c">Apartment Life</a></blockquote><script async src="//s.imgur.com/min/embed.js" charset="utf-8"></script>